On November 10, 1982, I was participating in a bible study on David’s Psalms. It was in a private home and I personally knew all those present. My youngest son came with me as he was only a few months old. I remember as we began the study that it was said of King David that he was “a man after God’s own heart”. When I heard this I gasped as I felt it was true of myself also. On one of the study days..November 10..the leader of this study, Marilyn (Tucker) Thompson announced that were doing something different. She said that she had wrestled throughout the night about changing the subject of the study to that of a teaching on the occult.
Marilyn knew that the change of the lesson was for someone there but didn’t know who. We began in prayer as always and then what I later called an “occult” sheet was handed out to all those present. I have to state here that I had been under a severe depression that I could not shake for 3 weeks. As we went through the list of activities that were biblically considered of the occult, we were also told to examine the list to see if there were that any we had been involved with. We then prayed prayers of renouncement and forgiveness. Sciptures had been given to validate the truth against each of the involvements listed. I had had no idea that the things I had dabbled in were against the God I loved so much and whose love and approval I so deeply wanted.
Immediately upon renouncement of occult activities and prayers that followed, I felt a change in me that I did not understand at first. It felt as if I had come into a room with the shades pulled down but someone had come in and raised them up to let in the light. I also felt a sense of joy bubbling up through my body like clear crystal water filling me from my toes to my heart and mind. The depression was gone! When we went into praise and worship songs.. the songs felt drab to me. When Marilyn asked if anyone had a song they would like to sing, I jumped up and began to sing and clap the song: “In His Hands He’s Got the Whole World!”
Icertainly cannot go into all the happenings in my life since then. My intention is to show some of the important points along the way of a journey than spans almost 35 years and how my relationship began with Father God and ended up in the arms of Jesus Christ as his Bride.
Iwas prayed for at that time to receive the Holy Spirit which I had just received from the renouncement prayers and was counseled about the gift of speaking in tongues. I was able to do so a few days later. I was also counseled to begin reading the Bible starting with the book of John. So I did and read the bible like it was the greatest and most exciting novel I had ever read. I was reading it constantly and could hardly put it down. I also began to write down the words that I would receive from the Lord each day that spoke to my heart known as rhema. The Lord began through all this to renew my thinking (Romans 12:2) and I began to like or dislike different things than before as well as changing my behavior.
Iwas learning what sin was for sure but I was also being shown secrets from the Word about the mind and ways of God and the Spiritual World. I would read the Word and just see messages like reading behind the lines? Or seeing something deeper behind it. For example: 1 Samuel 17:40 Then he (David) took his staff in his hand, chose five stones made smooth by the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine (the enemy). The Lord quickened this to my heart in those early years and I had to stop and ask him why? Why 5 stones and 5 stones made smooth by the stream? As I sat and pondered it the answer came to me. David was a “type” of Christ, the 5 stones represented the five-fold ministry of the Church being made smooth by the movement of the Holy Spirit.
Itend to be able to see things. When something is happening in the natural world there is a correlation of activity in the spiritual world. Another example was the words in 1Corinthians 6:13 (NAS) Food is for the stomach and the stomach is for food, but God will do away with both of them. Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. These words stopped me in my tracks as well. At first my mind just could NOT get it! I stayed with it though and it always felt like a Key turned and the Lord released my mind to understanding. This one said to me that food was created for the stomach and that irregardless of what kind of food..it was still food and could be taken in without so much regard to sin. BUT sexual immorality was another matter. I was flustered over the connection of the sexual immorality part to food until I heard the Lord say that food was for the stomach..even if too much it was still made to go into the stomach. But sexual immorality to the body was like kerosene would be to the stomach! It wasn’t meant to go in there! Sexual immorality is the most destructive sin to one’s body or life or society. Because we live in the flesh when we do those things we don’t notice the damage it does to our soul or spirit.
Another would be that when in prayer with and for another person the Lord would show me a small bird and I would pray acording to what I saw and felt. A small bird..precious..needing to be protected and cared for with a call from His heart to them to come closer.
Whenever I heard of a person having multiple close calls with their lives I would pray for them to be freed of a contract out on their life by the enemy. One such person like that was also on her way to taking a road trip that very day.
Through the years..it was always Father God this..Father God that. I came to where I could tell people that I had the best Father that a girl could ever ask for! I was learning His ways from His Word and time spent with Him and was able to apply those things to my daily life. I came to know of His Father’s love for me and experienced a great deal of healing from some horrendous events very early in my life.
THEN IT HAPPENED..
Approximately 2 1/2 years ago I literally stumbled upon a youtube video that totally changed my life around! I met up with a woman by the name of Clare du Bois known on youtube as Still small voice. She was speaking about experiences with Jesus that many found to be weird and ungodly. I have to say that I was put off at first because for me I had had mostly..in my mind and heart..a close relationship with Father God. And at first it seemed to be carnal. But then the world treats marriage and the ACT of marriage with very carnal ideas anyway. I had sat at the Father’s feet for over 32 years by then. Besides, the Lord had always told me to “Take what was good and leave the rest” As I listened I realized that my actual relationship with Jesus was slim to none! I didn’t have that sense of closeness and furthermore never thought about it..until then. I knew Him as far as salvation was concerned..His suffering and death for me..but I seemed to converse with the Father. I began to develop a better, more personal way of speaking with Him..worshipping Him more directly.
After awhile I began to see myself with Him. I Had seen myself with Him as a young girl but the very first time I saw myself with Jesus as a young woman was in praise and worship. I saw myself walking along a beach in the evening. I looked like I was 18 or 20 years old with golden shoulder-length hair. I was wearing the most exquisite wedding dress. It was midi-length and covered in star-like tiny sequins with cap sleeves. I had slippers on that matched the dress. I was walking on the water’s edge and Jesus was about 3 feet away from me. I was talking to Him and laughing but it was more like a very nervous chatter and laughing. As we walked along I stumbled and He quickly caught my hand to keep me from falling. As I looked back on that moment I realized that I was very shy towards Him. I was the one that needed to not just allow.. but to invite Him closer. I didn’t need to be shy and inhibited in my relationship with Him. He literally went to hell for me! He should be my best friend. But because Jesus will never go against our will, it took time for that to come about. It wasn’t a question of my will as much as it was about being able to trust Him as well the knowing that I am a sinner and He is the Holy One.
As the days and months went by I delveloped more trust by experiencing more healing in my soul and found myself with feelings of being in love with Jesus. Don’t go there..it is not a carnal love. It is a love of profound depth from the Lord and as we are able to go deeper into it we become so filled up with Him. We can also receive secrets he reveals to us through that relationship as well as exposing the sin in our hearts to a greater depth to better prepare to be that Bride without spot or wrinkle. It is like Heaven on earth. I am reminded of something a priest said from the pulpit at church, “I AM IN LOVE WITH JESUS CHRIST…ARE YOU”? I realized that I knew what he meant by that. As I pondered the changes taking place in my spirit and soul against sin.. I told Father God that it was as if I had spent all those years with Him like a child on a father’s lap. Then I grew to be as a young teen unto the maturity of a young woman. Now he had betrothed me to His Son by putting my hand in His. He chose me to be a Bride to His son. How cool is that?
The following worship music by Julie True inspired me to write this very brief story of my journey from intimacy with Father God to intimacy with His Son, Jesus. There are many aspects of this journey that will be given from moments recorded in my journals spanning 35 years in other entries as I compile and post them.