June 11, 2015
In listening to Still Small Voice, Lord, I felt so comforted by the words you spoke through her. I sit here pondering how You adore me, delight in me, want to hold me, kiss me on the cheek or dance with me. I have never heard of all this before. I had never pondered the human side of your nature before. But it does remind me of a time when I did dance with You!
Agood many years before this entry in my journal, I had attended a Women’s Aglow retreat in McCall, Idaho. The shekinah glory would always manifest at those retreats. The manifest presence of God is amazing to behold and always left me in such awe as to feel literally dazed for several days. It was always like we had gone somewhere and when it was over we had to come back to the real world again. After I left the retreat I was riding home with other women and was captured in my heart by a vision of Jesus and myself dancing. I was in a purple floral dress and it appeared that I was about 8 or 9 years old.
Ohh my Lord I have danced with You before! I remember you holding my hands to encourage me to BE FREE and let You twirl me and be close to You! You have been inviting me to open my heart to you all these years..to let you truly love on me which would also heal me inside and allow my creative to come forth more fully. I have listened to Clare and want so much what she has experienced with You…a closer friendship. I can see that..like i thought all those years ago..You were imparting a healing to the little girl inside me and now it is time for my grown person to let You care for her as well. It is through the revealing of Clare’s experiences that You have helped me to release..let go..take a chance..to know that it will be a safe thing to do. In listening to her tell your Word I could feel that you were speaking to my heart. Through her I heard you speak tender words of an EXTRAVAGANT LOVE and closeness you desire. A side note here is that dieing for me is pretty extravagant. It’s astounding that You..God..want that closeness with US..ME..sinful creatures. I only regret that it took this long for me to be willing to say YES..to the DRESS! I know that I will allow that door to open to more fully enter into your heart more deeply!
Iponder only briefly..2 yrs old..7 yrs old and only enough memory to reveal the perversion..You showed me the age I was..who it was..but the dastard deed itself has been blocked from my memory. I will never have any flashbacks of the acts committed aginst me at those tender years of 2 and 7. I am free now..as Donna DeShields said in the 80’s in a word from You in Aglow.. Free to advance into the Kingdom and now more free than back then. Free to go closer to You, Lord. I want more than just getting to Heaven. I want to have cut loose from the World enough to have more of You in Heaven. More than just knowing You are there nearby. I want to spend time with You..in Person 🙂 That person who suffered and died for me. Oh my! I can say here Jesus that You..as You are saying by all this..created something so special when you created Me and put all the these gifts within me. The enemy tried to destroy them..Me..before I was born..and since because he had to have SEEN it all in there. I pray that I cooperate with You..allow You..to invite actually..You to come closer. I choose it and want all that You plan for me in Heaven.